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文章上がったり2
- #1
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- 現役ナース
- 2015/11/04 20:40
>#1 名前:鼻子神宮 | 2015年11月02日 (Mon) 08:43pm
>文章力をアップされたい方、情報交換しませんか?たとえば、「手に入れる」という表現を「ゲットする」という別の表現に変えてみたり、読み手の立場やレベルに合わせて創意工夫・努力・雰囲気作りをしてみたり等々、実際に経験をされた方からの情報お待ちしております。先日、『狐が嫁入り』というエッセイを訳していて、原文にある嫌な感じが表現できていないと感じる自分がいました:
>普段関わりのない人たちにまでパートナーと別れたことを近況報告する狐(以下K)の目的は、「いい人がいたら(自分自身がいい人であるかどうかはさておき)紹介して欲しい」ということだろう。いい人がいたとして、その人に普段関わりのないKを差し出すだろうか。不可能だろう。普段関わりがないのだから。Kと普段関わらなくて済む人たちにとって、Kのこの近況報告は、多かれ少なかれKのこの目的だけが浮き彫りになったものになるため、さしあたりは即答を控え、多少なりともKが以前よりもマシになったのかどうかを確認しようとする無意識の回路に入るのは無理もない。むしろ即応を控えることで生まれる多少の時間差や齟齬をKがどう受け取るかをみることくらいしかKについて知りようがないというのが実情だろう。さて、やはりと言うべきか、Kは時間差や齟齬をみずから減らそうとせず、それらのすべてを受信者に負わせ、そして、そのようなKの態度に苦言を呈する老婆心を「無駄モテ」と評するありさまだった。昔と変わらないありのままのKの姿がそこにあった。それだけに留まらない。(とべ continued)
Kの嫌な感じ出てて面白い。続き楽しみです。
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